god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
