WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
