there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
