I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
