I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
