did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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