I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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