rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
