Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
