Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
