I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Im part way to drunk.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
