Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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