Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning