The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list