But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
