Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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