he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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