my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
