Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
