I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize