you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
