You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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