Got a toothbrush?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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