Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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