I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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