So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
