I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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