Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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