I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
