Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
