there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
