The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
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I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
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Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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