There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
