STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Randomize
