Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize