you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
