I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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