the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
