I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
