I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
