Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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