From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
