Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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