There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
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I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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