He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
