Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
