its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
