Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have fence marks all over my body
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
