so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
