I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
