Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize