I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
