Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
