Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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