So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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