WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
