It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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