i jhust puked up my retainher.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
