I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
