drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
