The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
