belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
