I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
