The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
