I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
