I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
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I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
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They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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