Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
