guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Randomize
