if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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