Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
