I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
