I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
