I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
