i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
