There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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