at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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