she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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