I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.