it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
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I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
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I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.