I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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