My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
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took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.