I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I look better un-naked...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.