How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
well, you know. whores of a feather.