Pappa wants mamma naked
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
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how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE