im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
