You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
