My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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