My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
