I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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