The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
