you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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