We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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