playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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