please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
